Southern California is notorious for sunshine, surf, and hot girls in bikini's. To be honest, I (Andriana) moved here for the sun (Seattle does rain all the time, in case you didn't know). It is a very enjoyable place to spend a day on the beach or at Disneyland, or simply people watching. However, what many people fail to tell you is the situation we like to call FREEWAYS.
The cold hard truth you won't find in travel brochures is that years could be wasted sitting on any number of our dozens of interstates. From the 405 to the 5, the 91 to the 101, all Southern California can be reduced to is a traffic jam. An endless, painful, traffic jam. This, however, is not the worst part. That is reserved solely for the obnoxious, flat billed hat wearing, rap music jamming, and quite often Asian, DRIVERS. Red and yellow, black and white, they are disastrous in our sight. We hate the California drivers of the world.
John here, let me (a life-long California resident) explain. Californians have an extremely short attention span. They
live in a state plagued with ADD and it is never more apparent than when
driving. Anything happening on the side of the road is enough for people
to slow down or stop in the road to stare at the problem. Do not
underestimate my usage of the word anything. There is not always a
twelve car pileup with cars intertwined with one another creating one
giant obstruction across five lanes. Rather, after sitting in traffic for an
hour or two (on an average day) it ends up being some car on the side of
the road with a flat tire, a minor fender bender most likely caused by
those drivers being distracted by something on the side of the road: a
police officer writing tickets, or even some unidentifiable dust left in
the road that probably fell off a work truck earlier in the day. Let me
give a piece of advice to you, California drivers. NOTHING is interesting enough
to stop your car in a 65 mph zone, with thousands of drivers behind
you.
It's Andriana again. I would like to add one last thing concerning California drivers. They're stupid. They brake for no reason, cut off semi trucks to take the proper exit. They flip all sorts of fingers out of their windows when you don't do what they want. Finally, if you're a cute girl, I can assure you that you will be checked out by every person, many of them who have their own orbits, and hit on. While driving. It's worse than texting and driving.
Finally, some general tips on what not to do while driving:
* Make up (Honey, you won't look better when lip stick is smeared all over your face, also just because you cannot manage your time properly does not
mean you can fix your aesthetic deficiencies at the risk of everyone
else on the road) )
* Texting/phone calls (I hope you explain to the person you hit that it was really important that you didn’t hang up first)
* Eating
some disgusting form of fast food (because let’s face it, you really
didn’t need that Taco Bell. Had you gone to the gym instead, I wouldn’t
have to worry about you potentially causing an accident when that
burrito falls into your lap)
* Flirting with the girl in the car next to you (come on, what pick up line will work at 70 mph?!)
* Reading (.....seriously?)
* Headbanging or dancing (Wayne's World is not going to make a comeback. I promise)
I ensure you there will be more rants concerning drivers and traffic. It is hell on earth.
Thank you for not flipping us off,
John and Andriana
